He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Randomize
