Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
