I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
