sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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