Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
