Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
