Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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