Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
