Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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