just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
