Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
