we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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