btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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