I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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