ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
