I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
