dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
