i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
This is classic penis vs brain.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
