On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I look better un-naked...
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
