I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
