I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
