I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
