just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
