Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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