dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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