Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
