he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
