i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
