PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
