And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
