Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
