Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
