So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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