Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
