im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
