Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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