soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
