So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
