Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
