Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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