I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
