Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
