What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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