you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'd cum for enchiladas.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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