Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
