I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
