"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Randomize
