Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
