What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
