you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
