i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
birth control should be required to get into college
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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